I'm typing this on his computer right now. It never crossed my mind that I might one day start a blog about him on his own computer. That's a little weird. What's even weirder is that I've got so much to say and nothing to say at all. I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to begin. I guess I'll just start typing and let the words pour out of me in no particular order and if it doesn't make any sense to anybody but me, it doesn't really matter.
I'm starting this blog because I lost somebody so dear to me that I'll never be the same again. Death changes things forever. Life goes on and there will be joy again but things are forever changed nonetheless.
I've lost both of them now. It's an eerie feeling when you realize you're an "orphan". I feel uneasy, unsettled, ungrounded. Topsy-turvy, upside-down, all messed up. Unfocused, unorganized, out of sorts. And yet somehow I'm holding it all together. I have to. It's just me. Just me to settle the estate, tend to the matters at hand, get things done. And things are getting done. Even as unorganized as I may feel, I'm still better than 90% of the people out there. Planning, lists, critical paths...that's me.
I've never had more to do in my entire life and never felt less like doing it.
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