I'm feeling better these days. I'm still not quite the old Brenda, but I can see her at the end of the tunnel and it's a good feeling. I've missed her.
I've taken an interest in my interests again. I'm hanging out with friends, going to listen to good, live music and doing projects around my condo. I actually shower on weekends and sometimes even leave my condo. It feels good. (And I'm sure Omni appreciates the showering part)
But there's a nagging thought in the back of my head. It's coming up on a year. How will I handle it? I'm nervous. It's taken me 10 months to get to this point. I don't want to have a "relapse" or go 'backwards". I know that doing so will in no way honor my Pop or validate that I loved him and miss him everyday. But nonetheless, an anniversary is an anniversary. I'm not sure how I'll feel or what will happen. This whole grieving process is really weird. Some days when it's a special day and I'm expecting to feel lousy, I'm fine and then on normal days that have no meaning whatsoever, I'm a wreck.
So...I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best. Wish me luck.
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